“What the hell is my “purpose” here?!”
“What am I suppose to be doing here? In this life? On this Earth?”
“Who am I”, “Who am I suppose to be?”, “Why am I here?”
I think a lot of people struggle with these same questions…
I struggled with this a lot, and sometimes still do…but I think I’m finally figuring it out.
I’m not really figuring out what I’m suppose to do, nor what my purpose is here, it’s more that I’m learning to just detach from the “need” or expectation of it. I’m learning, through contentment and surrender, that I’m ALWAYS just where I need to be…nothing more.
I find myself battling my ego a lot. I want to know EVERYTHING and I want to be the best at EVERYTHING I do. It’s not because I want to gloat or show off, it’s more because I just want to have the answers to EVERYTHING…and I want them NOW!
…but…with this kind of attitude comes a lot of expectations, disappointments, and suffering.
Sometimes I have this overwhelming feeling that I’ve done all this shit before and I really don’t want to have to do it again.
“Can’t I just start at the point where I left off last time?” That is how I feel a lot.
I’ve always been searching for that one thing that will make me feel “This is it, Shawn!”
Where does this come from? Past lives? Karmas? Conditioning in this life? I’m not really sure.
Formal education (like grade school or college) never appealed to me and I really never understood why. I LOVE learning, reading and growing but I’m starting to form my own opinion on the way “standard” education causes a sort of ignorance in us all.
Sure, we are “educated” by societal standards, and there is definitely a need for that. They can teach us logic and job skills, which is helpful, but where does THAT end and YOU begin? Which part of you is ACTUALLY you and not a collaboration of teachings, thoughts, and conditionings?
Are they teaching you HOW to think? or WHAT to think?…and this is important.
Mark Twain has a great quote that goes something like “Never let schooling get in the way of your education.”…ponder that for awhile, because it makes perfect sense.
While I’m a big fan of listening, I’m also a big fan of questioning…and there are too many questions with no solid answers.
In the past I would usually blow off my feelings as “crazy thoughts.” I’d usually just guilt myself into shutting up and reverting back to the way I was taught. I have forced myself to make decisions that weren’t how I felt AT ALL. I have gone against my intuitions and heart way too many times.
This is what I am DONE with.
Just asking the question “Who am I?” comes with a price. It evokes all sorts of feelings and emotions and a lot of “NOTS”.
“I’m NOT rich” “I’m NOT a college graduate” “I’m NOT married”….and so on and so on…
These kind of thoughts lead to other thoughts, that lead to other thoughts, that lead to other thoughts. Sooner or later you are feeling sorry for yourself because what the world told you that you NEED to be, you are not.
…but this is just simply NOT true.
I am EXACTLY who I am suppose to be…and so is EVERYONE else.
Throughout our lives we pick up REALLY bad habits of who we think we SHOULD be. Our parents tell us what path we should be on. Our teachers tell us what path we should be on. Our religion tells us what path we should be on. Our friends and partners tell us what path we should be on.
Have you ever just stopped to think that they might ALL be full of shit? or really not know much themselves?
How bout, what path do YOU think you should be on?
Now, I don’t mean that anyone intentionally wants to cause harm by giving us their teachings. A certain type of education is required for us just to survive life…but doesn’t anyone see the pattern here? Do you think anything is getting better? Growing? Evolving?
If you step back and look at the world today do we seem to be evolving? Yea we have cool phones and new tech toys, but how bout our souls? or our sense of humanity?
We STILL judge people based on race, gender, sex and many other things. It’s BEYOND ridiculous. We are separating ourselves more and more from each other and something has to change if we want to strive for something better.
We drown ourselves in a world of prescription medication which just pulls us farther and farther away from our TRUE self. We just want to fill one desire after the next while never really feeling any better.
Even religion separates us from ourselves, in my opinion. It’s always YOU and then God, but in actuality we ARE God! There is no separation.
…but I digress.
What I’m trying to say here is I believe “purpose” might be causing more suffering than it needs to.
Now, I don’t mean “having a purpose” (because EVERYONE has a purpose here), what I mean is attaching to what you believe your purpose is.
It’s the “NEED” for purpose that starts to pull you away from what you have truly been born to do.
It’s my belief that if you didn’t have a reason for being here you never would have been born. EVERY SINGLE PERSON is responsible for ensuring that the interdependence of life works the way it does.
We are ALL dependent on each other no matter what our role is here. We need to start to recognize this.
Let’s look at life like we are living in a movie. In the movie we each have our role and the lead part is no different than the movie extra, in a sense. It ALL needs to work together to become this flawless picture. What If the film had Bradley Cooper as the lead role but it had no set designers, extras, makeup stylists, etc? Bradley Cooper, without those things, could not do what HE needs to do to make the movie attractive to the audience….get it?
Life works the same way.
We tend to think we are better than some and less than others. This couldn’t be farther from the truth.
Yes, I do believe some people’s actions are not commendable AT ALL and I’m not condoning certain people’s behavior…but that’s another discussion. What I AM saying is that EACH person, whether “good” or “bad” makes this all work.
Even in the movie someone has to play the villain. Does this mean we root for the bad guy? Well, No…but without the villain or antagonist there is no interest…there is no lesson.
It’s the goal of UNION that we are missing. This is TRULY our purpose. We are not suppose to be working as separate entities, but as one.
Imagine a great big glass ball broken into a trillion pieces. There will be big pieces, small pieces, and pieces so small you can barely notice them. The thing is, though, in order to put the ball back together you need EVERY piece. Every piece is just as important as the next, no matter how small. Each piece has it’s purpose and each piece has it’s place.
Start to see this truth in EACH and EVERY person you love, hate, or are just indifferent of…
More importantly…start to see it within yourself.
YOU are more important then you realize…
Namaste. ( :